When you’re a kid, the world is your oyster. Everything is a toy, filled with infinite possibilities. Unfortunately, some of my kids’ favorite “toys” drive me absolutely crazy. Before I was a mom, these everyday, innocuous items seemed perfectly fine (perhaps even fun), but now? Well, now they’re a big problem. Because more often than not, I find myself grumbling under my breath how much I hate them as I take them from my kids. Need examples? I have a few.
1. Bubbles – I know, right? How could anyone is their right mind hate bubbles? Me. I do. With a vengeance. Why, you ask? So. Many. Messes. For some reason, whenever the bubbles come out, my kids lose all sense of equilibrium. They become klutzy little butterfingers and the bubble soap goes everywhere. Then someone steps in it, only to traipse through the house and over my tiled floors. Before I know it, I have a house that’s a slipping hazard, floors to clean (that were just cleaned 2 days prior), and kids that are crying because I’m pulling the plug on the whole bubble process…and unlike the kids earlier that insisted on taking a jaunt through the house with bubble soap on their feet because they wanted to be inside so badly, these kids now want nothing more than to stay outside. Forever. I’d rather pass on the whole experience.
2. Markers – I won’t lie, it’s the permanency factor that I just don’t like when it comes to markers. And those washable markers never seem to be quite so washable when it comes to cream colored upholstery. I’d prefer that my kids stick to crayons for the rest of their natural lives, thank you very much.
3. Glue – Never mind. Just make that all crafting supplies. Scissors, glitter, you name it, I don’t like hate it. Yes, I craft with my kids, but I hate the constant monitoring that I have to do when those supplies are out. Because the only thing I want on my couch less than markers is glue, glitter, or, dare I say, scissors.
4. Balloons – People gasp when I tell them I don’t like balloons, but hear me out… Much like your child’s first encounter with bubbles, your child’s discovery of balloons is downright adorable. Totally frame-worthy. But for me, the allure ends there, because the fact is, balloons pop. Then my kid loses their mind. And of course, after popping their own balloon, they try and find creative ways to pop the other’s balloon. Only to have the second child lose their mind. All the while, the remaining child is no doubt hitting me in the head repeatedly with the only surviving balloon. Lucky me. And don’t forget, there’s always that parent there to remind you of dangers of balloons and how they once knew someone who knew someone else who had a friend who had a kid who popped a balloon, inhaled a small piece of it, choked, and died. Bottom line: I don’t see the upside of balloons.
5. Makeup – For my daughter’s 5th birthday, she received a 40+ piece makeup kit. The second she opened it I checked the card and started racking my brain for things that I may have done to the parent who gave it to her, because I fail to believe that any mom would do that to another mom without a reason. In the end, none of the makeup hit its intended target (her face) and instead it hit my floors, furniture, a great deal of her clothing, and the dog…who, as it turns out, can’t pull off blue eye-shadow or pink lip gloss.
6. Puzzles – In my mind I love puzzles, but in practice, I’m not a fan. Why must there be so many pieces? Why must they be all over my floor? Why do they never make it back to their respective box or container? So many questions, so little time…after all, I have puzzle pieces to go pick up.
7. LEGOs – Okay, so my relationship with LEGOs is really more love/hate. Much like puzzles, I love that they’re a toy that encourage creative play and thinking, but, like puzzles, I hate that there are so many of them. I hate even more that those sneaky little bastards hide until darkness sets in and then jump out so I can step on them at night on my way to get a drink of water in the kitchen. It’s a whole new level of pain.
Yes, I know, I’ve officially sucked all the fun out of childhood. I’m okay with that.
