On Being a Mom of Three…

About a week before I had Everett, I went out to dinner with my mom’s group.  It was a casual dinner and I was looking for a reason to get away for a while, so I waddled out of my house and drove to our local fondue restaurant (admittedly, I may have gone more for the cheese and chocolate than the company, but who could blame me).  Throughout the meal there was chit chat here and there about how pregnant I was, if I was comfortable, and if we were ready for our new addition.  All normal and expected stuff when you leave the house at 39 weeks pregnant.  About halfway through dinner the mom sitting next to me said, “Oh, I have friends with 3 kids…they said it was the 3rd one that really sent them over the edge.  They were okay up until then.”

Um, okay.  Good to know?

While I know she meant no harm, let me assure you, that’s the last thing you want to hear when you’re 39 weeks pregnant with your third child.  Because back then, I had no idea what I was getting into.  And I had no idea if I could really do the whole “mom of 3” thing.  And to complicate matters more, we had finally hit a “sweet spot” where Greenleigh and Hazeline were old enough to be sleeping consistently, communicating if they needed/wanted something, and reasoned with…occasionally.  Far from self sufficient, but we were getting there.  Did I really want to start all over again?  I suddenly started to doubt the plan we established all those years ago, but there was no turning back.

Now 7 months in, I want to share something with you.  A confession, if you will:

I’m a far better mom to 3 than I ever was to 1.

Yes, you read that right.  I’m a better mom to Greenleigh, Hazeline, and Everett, than I ever was to just Greenleigh.  There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that I was made to have 3 children.  Call it confidence or the on the job training or whatever you want, but I’m a better mom.  I can recognize and appreciate the stages my kids are going through more than when I had only one child.  I’m reminded of this as Everett spends fewer days in his swing and more in his jumper, changes that didn’t really seem monumental (or even obvious) when Greenleigh was little because they happened so gradually.  Burp cloths are on their way out and sippy cups and puffs are on their way in.  Toddlerhood is just around the corner [Hold me].  But now, after having two other children go through the same thing, I know what he needs and I can provide it.  And only now – after watching 2 other child breeze right through this phase – can I truly appreciate how fast time flies.

And this realization has caused me to change my parenting with Greenleigh and Hazeline as well.  I’ve learned to slow down a bit when I’m with them.  To stop and really listen to the goofy things my 3 year old says and laugh.  Because she’s hilarious.  I’ve learned to indulge my 5 year old when she asks for “Let it Go” to be played for the third time on the short drive to school…even if I may turn up the volume to drown out her tone-deaf singing squawking in the backseat.  I embrace our busy weekends, full of dance classes, birthday parties, and playdates, because it won’t be long before I’m really uncool, and thus uninvited.

Having 3 children has shown me how different kids can be.  I’ve learned to embrace each one of their personalities as I watch it develop.  I see how each personality contributes to our family and how they interact as siblings.  They are in different stages in their lives, and yet there’s a bond between them.  It’s amazing.  Each one of them is amazing in their own way.

But don’t get me wrong, the days are hectic and I often lose my patience.  It’s far from idyllic.  There are days I wake up late simply because I was too tired and forgot to set an alarm the night before.  There are days where I can’t get dinner on the table fast enough.  Days where dishes go unwashed, laundry goes unfolded, and toys lay spread out upon my floor as if they were obstacles in some bizarre maze a crazy person concocted.  Dining out is still a disaster 75% of the time (the other 25% is only salvageable thanks to the iPad).  And yes, there are times when I have 3 kids crying at the exact same time.  Do I pray for bedtime often?  Every. Single. Day.  Only to put my kids to bed and then spend hours getting ready for the next day.

But the fact is, my life has been chaotic and crazy since the day that I became a mom.  Perhaps that’s a benefit of having your “challenging” baby first; because for me the lifestyle adjustment from no children to 1 child was far more traumatic than the adjustment from 1 child to 2 or 2 children to 3.  I started praying for bedtime on a daily basis somewhere in April 2009, so that’s not a new thing.  In total fairness to my kids, I’ve never been good with dishes, folding laundry, or anything of the like [I’d like to insert a big shout out to my cleaning lady who helps make sure that these things get done and the authorities don’t get called].  And on those, albeit rare, occasions where I have 3 kids crying at the same time, I do what I did when I only had one child and a hundred other things going on in the background – prioritize.

So if you’re reading this and wondering if you can handle three kids, I assure you you can.  If you’re pregnant with your third child and tired of people’s comments (regardless of their intentions), just take a deep breath.  You got this.  After all, if you already have two kids, chances are you’ve been crazy for years now.