“Sleep when the baby sleeps,” I was told time after time during all 3 of my pregnancies. No matter where I went – family gatherings, the grocery store, my baby shower – people wanted, no wait, needed to impart this little nugget of wisdom upon me as if I’d NEVER heard it before. As if this was the advice that was going to make that first year of life oh-so-much easier.
And it drove me crazy each and every single time. I still cringe every time I hear it.
Because as easy as it may sound to “sleep when the baby sleeps”, I can assure you, it’s not easy at all. I mean, unless you don’t mind your whole house falling into shambles. And when I say “shambles” I’m already accounting for the chaos that exists in a home when a newborn graces its threshold. Having done it 3 times now, I can say that the days and weeks following a newborn are some of the most scattered and difficult I’ve ever experienced. So why wouldn’t I want to sleep? Well, let me give you some examples:
You have older kids that need to eat? Better not take that noon time snooze your baby is so fond of.
Like having food in your house? Whatever you do, don’t attempt sleep in the grocery store where your newborn will no doubt serenely sleep in the shopping cart. The guy in the produce section is going to freak out if he sees you passed out on top of the Granny Smith’s and the police/child services will probably be called. And despite the fact that your baby may sleep peacefully through the entire shopping trip, rest assured, they will wake up screaming the second the car is parked in the garage.
Have a child that needs help with their homework? You’re probably going to have to pass on that 4pm cat nap that your infant takes.
Your sink is overflowing with dirty dishes and you’re running out of clean ones to use (like, your down to 2 clean glasses, a plate, and zero clean baby bottles)? Probably best if you load the dishwasher instead of nodding off at 7pm when your little one does. If not, you’ll be stuck cleaning those baby bottles by hand and we all know how much that can suck. (I’ll admit, it’s the baby bottles that push me away from sleep and towards loading the dishwasher every. single. time. If not for them, I might be okay with existing on 2 clean glasses and a clean plate…singular.)
And whatever you do, do not even think about sleeping when the baby sleeps – no matter how badly you need it – if you are the only adult in the house and have toddlers in the house that are not sleeping. Bad things will happen. Not might, will.
The thing about motherhood is that there’s always something else that needs to be done, regardless if you have 1 child in the house or 10. There are errands to run, laundry that needs to be cleaned, dishes to be done, bills to be paid, and the plethora of other things that we do as moms that are barely noticed but vital to a functioning house. And in the case of second, third, fourth children, there are older siblings that need to be tended to regardless of whether the baby is sleeping. Feeding, parenting, supervising these older children is not optional, even if we might want it to be. And at the end of the day, there’s always going to be that “one last thing” that keeps you running around your house way past your own bedtime, let alone your baby’s bedtime, which probably occurred hours ago. Besides, if you’re anything like me, even if you decide to say, “Screw it, I’ll deal with the consequences tomorrow”, you’ll probably just end up staring at your ceiling mapping out how to account for all the extra work you’re going to have to do tomorrow to make up for that sleep you’re trying to get today.
I do think that there comes a point where exhaustion takes over and you need to turn everything off for your own sanity. To take care of yourself. Get some rest. Regroup and get ready for the next day, which is sure to be just as exhausting as the day before, if not more so. But everyday? You just can’t do that. And you certainly can’t do it in the middle of the day at the drop of a hat, which is when newborns and infants tend to sleep the best. Well, you can try, but it probably isn’t going to happen. And even if you fall for the advice and decide to attempt it, you’re likely to end up woken up 5 minutes after you struggle to get to sleep by a crying baby who has decided that naptime is over.
So please, whatever you do, don’t tell me to sleep when the baby sleeps. This piece of “advice” needs to be stopped.
