The First Day is the Hardest…

It’s the day that I’ve dreaded since I went out on maternity leave 4 months ago – Everett’s first day of daycare.  I knew it was coming, there’s just no way to really prepare for it.  And while you’d think the third “first day of daycare” would be easier – because well, the third time around for everything should be easier – that was not the case.  Don’t get me wrong, I did slightly better than when I first dropped Hazeline off at daycare and, in my shaken state, gave my home alarm code instead of the last 4 digits of my phone number.  But barely…just barely.  As I hurried out of the daycare center, Everett was in the infant room happy as a clam with Greenleigh (who, unlike me, is super excited that he now goes to “school” and refused to leave his side).

And then it was on to work where my fingers flipped through files that haven’t been touched in months.  Where my memory of cases I haven’t given a single thought to in the last 4 months was tested – thoroughly.  I checked the time often and counted down the minutes.  By 3:30 pm it felt like 6:30 pm and I had a raging headache from looking at a computer screen for too long.  My email doesn’t work.  Things in my office have been moved.  Documents I know I drafted are missing.  But in other ways, it seemed like it had been 4 days since I left instead of 4 months.  The whole day I felt out of place and right at home, simultaneously.

Then I raced through rush hour traffic to pick the kids up at school, only to find out that my husband had already been there and gotten them.  Clearly we have some coordinating to do in the future.

I wish I could put a positive spin on it, but today was rough.  At least we all survived?

As a mom who has done this before, I know it’s only a matter of time before this all becomes routine.  Soon daycare will be just another stop in my day.  Soon I’ll get used to looking at a computer screen for 7-8 hours straight.  Soon we will have a solid schedule as to who picks up the kids and when.  Soon…

But until then, my only hope is that tomorrow will be better.  Because in my experience, the first day is always the hardest.