Frantically Searching for the Pause Button

Today was a day that seemed so much like so many before it – I got the girls up, got them dressed, and drove them to the same school that I’ve been driving to each morning for the past 4 years.  We were surrounded by the same teachers that we were last week, and last month, and last year.

And yet, today was different.

Today was the day that Greenleigh started VPK (which stands for Voluntary Pre-Kindergarten, a state run program here in Florida that allows all 4 year olds to prepare for Kindergarten with a certain number of free education hours).  It’s a day that she’s been waiting for all summer long, as she told me tales of her friends that “lived” in VPK.  To commemorate the day I laid out a special outfit that I bought for her, framed the cutest 1st day of school printable from Little Bitty Design Studio, and took a ton of pictures.Until she refused to smile anymore, begged me to get in the car, and told me I was embarrassing her.  So to anyone wondering, yes, it’s totally possible to embarrass a 4 year old when no one is even around.

VPK was pretty much all she could talk about on the way to school, but as excited as she was, Greenleigh still ran into school and right over to her old classroom.  She looked a little shocked at the somewhat unfamiliar faces that now filled the chairs in her old classroom, but smiled as she ran over to the other side of school, into her new classroom, and pulled up a chair right next to her new teacher.

As a mom, I have such mixed emotions on milestone days such as these.  Half of me recognizes, she’s growing up and I love it.  She’s developing into an inquisitive, smart, adventurous little girl, and I enjoy her company more and more each day.  The other half of me has been frantically searching for the pause button on my life all day long.  I’m not ready for this.  So not ready.  I need this to all slow down.  This “growing up stuff” is all happening too fast.  Where did the last 4 years go?

But most of all, I can’t help but see today as a signal that things are changing.  A mere taste of all the first days of school that lay ahead.  Next year, I’ll actually have to get her to school at a certain time.  Next year, I won’t be able to just take her out of school whenever I want.  Next year, she and her sister won’t be at the same school every day.  It will actually be 2 years before they’re in the same school again…I think it’s that last part that hits me the hardest.

But I suppose there will be plenty time to worry about all of that another day.  For now, I’m the mom of one of those kids that “live” in VPK…and it’s all very surreal.