After Greenleigh’s first birthday party, a group of us were all sitting around on our back patio. One of my friends was pregnant at the time and had definite ideas of how she was going to parent. Having just (barely) survived the first year of being a mom, I intently listened on wondering how many of her plans would actually go as planned, because just like her, I had definite plans on how I would parent that all seemed to go awry when my baby actually showed up. At some point during the conversation, she casually mentioned, “Well, I don’t know why you’d ever let a baby in your bed. My child will not sleep with us. I don’t want that.”
Wait. Whaaaat? You think I actually want a child in my bed? Um, no.
When you’re pregnant all the books tell you not to co-sleep. There are warnings everywhere on how dangerous co-sleeping can be. And every pediatrician you ask will tell you not to do it. In the weeks before your first baby is born, you think to yourself, “Nope, not me. I’m never going to co-sleep”.
But one night, after that baby is actually born, you will be more tired than you’ve ever been. Or as I’ve heard it referred to in the past, “running red lights tired”. You’re a step a way from insanity, but trying so very hard to hold it together. If only you could do something to get some sleep. Consecutive hours of sleep. Yes, that will fix everything. And while searching so desperately for a solution, somehow your baby will end up in your bed. No need to go into the details of exactly how it happens, it just does. And the sleep will be pretty decent. Not pre-pregnancy sleep, but the best sleep you’ve had in weeks or months. You’re addicted. You must get more. And so again, the baby (at some point) finds it’s way into your bed. And again and again and again. You’re sleeping like a pretzel to accommodate the child in your bed, but you’ve regained your sanity.
Or at least, that’s how it happened for me.
But of course, it didn’t end when they were babies. It’s far less frequent now than it was when they were babies, but at least once or twice a week we end up with a child in our bed (normally it’s Greenleigh) by the time our alarms go off in the morning. Sometimes I get up and walk them back to their beds in the middle of the night, but there are other times when I’m just too tired, admit defeat, and hold up the covers so they can hop in. Other times I wake up completely startled that they’re even there because I slept through them entering the room to begin with.
But where the miscommunication with my expecting/new mom friends seems to arise is in the fact that I actually like co-sleeping. By simply doing it (or acquiescing to it), I like it. Let me assure you, that is not the case.
Personally, I don’t find anything fulfilling about co-sleeping. I like my sleep. I need my sleep. And I need my space to do it. I mean, sleeping babies and kids are absolutely adorable to wake up to, but they also like to sleep horizontally…typically with their feet tucked in my rib cage. Or they burst out in song at 4:28am. Or they want to share a standard size pillow with me, despite having brought their own pillow with them when they wandered into my room at 2am. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Co-sleeping just doesn’t work for us.
Don’t get me wrong, I know there are plenty of parents out there that like co-sleeping. They find it to be enjoyable, and even rewarding in some cases. I remember seeing badges on people’s profiles back when I would frequent message boards that said “Proud Co-Sleeping Mama”. Good for them. Seriously. I’m not in anyway doubting, questioning, or judging those parents. I actually tip my hat to those parents. I’m just not one of them.
So when a new mom of only 3 days said to me last week, “I don’t know why you like having kids in your bed.” I wanted to explain. I wanted to tell her that this wasn’t something I loved, or even liked doing, it was just the easiest way to survive those tough baby months. And it’s currently a way to survive being pregnant with 2 kids that wear me out on a daily basis. It’s a way to keep my sanity.
But instead, I bit my tongue. Give her a couple weeks or months.
Who knows, maybe that new mom from last week will end up being like my friend laying out her parenting plans on my back patio after Greenleigh’s first birthday party a few years ago…you know, the one who has been happily co-sleeping with her child for just over 2 years. True story.
I know that I was that mom before I actually became a mom! People asked my opinions and I always said, kids should sleep in their own beds. Then, my daughter was born. From that very first moment I knew I couldn’t just plop her in a crib. Now, she is 2 1/2 and I miss her like crazy when she sleeps in her bed all night. I love co-sleeping so much. Now, I have two of them in my bed most nights, at least for a little while. I love my space when they aren’t there, but I sleep much better when they are there. However, my daughter doesn’t move much, she just wants to touch me. We will see how long I enjoy it with my son. He is a wiggler and flops around a lot.
I didn’t have preconceived ideas about co-sleeping! But I couldn’t sleep at all when the babies were in bed with us. Yeah, they slept better – but not me! Especially my daughter, she would wiggle her way underneath me all night long. The panic! If I could have slept I am sure they would still be in bed with us!
I never thought I didn’t want to co-sleep because I didn’t want my baby in my bed…it was because I was scared of what could happen!
Sometimes when I’m feeding my daughter and she’s laying on the boppy feeding, I will fall asleep that way for a half hour or so. Whenever we are co-sleeping, though, I never get a sound sleep because I am too paranoid that something will happen. I am glad you get sleep, though! I love having her in a sleeper right next to the bed. It’s much safer to me and gives me a better piece of mind.
We were lucky that both of our kids were sleeping through the night within a couple of weeks…in their own beds. Co-Sleeping scared me too much to even try it. But, I can thrash around in my sleep sometimes and have night-terrors, so I couldn’t even if I had wanted to.
Nice kicker!