Yesterday Hazeline woke up cranky. Lately, she’s been wetting through her diapers at night and yesterday she woke up soaked. She was, understandably, upset. I quickly got her cleaned up and brought her down to our room. I sat on the bed and put my arm around her as I turned on the television and set it to the Dora episode that annoys me the least. With the show on and previews fast forwarded through, I went to stand up. Immediately Hazeline started to whine. I sat back down and she stopped. So I sat there a bit longer.
Minutes ticked off the clock. Precious time that I need in the morning to get ready passed by, but every time I tried to stand up, she started to whimper again. It pained me to hear it. So I sat there longer. I made the conscious decision to be late to work. I wanted to call into work and tell them that I needed to take the day off. After all, my child wanted me. She needed me. But the problem is, there are days that she’ll wake up a lot worse than cranky and she won’t be able to go to school. I need to save my time for those days.
So I got ready. I heard her cries in protest, but there wasn’t much I could do. It killed me a little on the inside.
I got the kids to school and headed off on my 1 hour commute to work. I tried to leave the morning behind and make it through the day fight through the day. As I left work I was excited to see the girls. But then I got delayed on the way to school. I had to go to the post office to mail Greenleigh’s party invitations and the drug store because we were out of toothpaste. Not to mention, the traffic was oh so awful. I got to school 2 minutes after they closed.
I immediately saw Greenleigh first and noticed that she was wearing different clothes than the ones I put her in that morning. In fact, the clothes she was wearing weren’t hers at all. As the words, “Hey Greenleigh, what happened?” escaped my lips, her bottom lip began to quiver. And then the crying started. And in a moments that felt like forever, the crying got harder and hard. I kept asking what happened, but she was crying so hard that she couldn’t even tell me.
I eventually found out from a teacher that Greenleigh had an accident just minutes before. Within seconds of the accident occurring Greenleigh blurted out, “But my mommy didn’t bring any extra clothes to change into.” Insisting it wasn’t a problem, the teachers went to the large pile of clothes they have collected in the laundry room and picked out an outfit for her to wear. Unfortunately, they picked out denim overall shorts. Greenleigh loathes denim, so naturally it didn’t go well when they tried to cover her in it. They did get her to put them on, but I’m not entirely sure how.
As I held a sobbing 3-year-old in my arms, I questioned if I really needed to run all those errands. The invitations could have waited another day (they were already late anyway) and I probably could have squeezed a little more toothpaste out of the tube. I should have left work earlier. I had already been late that morning, how bad would it have been to leave early too? I should have been to school earlier. We should have been home by 6:32pm, not leaving school at that time. If only I had gotten there earlier this all could have been avoided.
So I pulled myself together and did the only thing that I could do at that moment – I promised Greenleigh that she could take off her overalls right when she got home (which she took literally and actually stripped off right in our driveway). I promised that I’d bring new clothes for both girls to keep at school the very next day. I promised to take the girls to McDonalds for Happy Meals, as if fast food with trinket-sized toys would make all the bad from the day go away. I promised to try and make tomorrow a better day.
Sometimes people ask me if it’s hard to be a working mom, and my response is almost always “Some days are harder than others.” Yesterday was one of the hard days.
Sounds so similar to so many days I have had. Yes, some days are harder than others, and some even harder than this. I know the guilt you feel, sending the child off to school when they are a little off their game, so that you can stay-home “guilt-fee” on the days they are really sick. A constant juggling act.
You’ll have Some esy days though, you’ll treasure it whenyou can squander one of those days you’ve saved to go to their dance recital at school, or their first t-ball game, and you’re buying the Happy Meals as a bonus treat, and not to console them. Here’s wishing you a day like that very soon!
It is a constant juggling act – that’s a great way to put it. And just like anything else, sometimes you are great at it and other times not so much… I know there will be better days ahead (for both of us!). Thanks for your kind and supportive words!
Above my name, it says “Speak Your Mind”, so I will. I found it very difficult to read this – ending with – you promised them Happy Meals? Your children need to learn about life – that some days will be worse than others, that accidents happen, and waking up cranky does not guarantee that Mommy will make herself late for work, which is frowned upon as a poor work ethic. Leaving early is also a poor work ethic. Please, you are not doing your children any favors by catering to their every emotion and desire.
Hi Renee. Thanks for taking the time to comment. And I always want people to speak their mind, even if they don’t agree with me.
I see where you’re coming from. I was raised in a house where when the words “That’s not fair” where uttered, the immediate response was “Life’s not fair.” To this day, I can’t hear someone say something isn’t fair without thinking “Life’s not fair.” Yes, the world will be full of disappointments and accidents, and my kids need to learn to deal with that to a certain extent. Life doesn’t always go as planned. Trust me, we have lots and lots of “Rub some dirt on it” and “Walk it off” talks in our house. Life will go on.
But as a mother, it’s hard to watch my 3 year old sobbing because I didn’t bring her a change of clothes. That wasn’t her responsibility, it was mine. And I failed. It’s hard to pry myself away from my 2 year old’s side when she so clearly wants my company (especially when you tally up the number of hours that I spend with her and it’s a whopping 3 hours per work day). Make no mistake, no matter how long I spent in school, the degree I attained, my profession, or who I work for – my family comes first. Work is a commitment I take very seriously, but it doesn’t come first.
As for the Happy Meals, well, that’s a personal decision that I’ve made for my family. We do occasionally eat fast food and Happy Meals are a treat for my kids. Oh, and I just didn’t want to cook that day. 🙂
I’m a SAHM and I do the same thing when my kids are having a bad day I give them a special treat to try and make it a bit easier for them. I know that they will eventually have to accept the fact that life isn’t always fair and that some days are worse then others, but I also want them to learn that no matter how bad a day was mommy will always try her best to make it all better <3
Thanks for posting this. Being a working mom is definitely very hard some days. Some days are easier than others. My daughter is only 17 months so thankfully I haven’t had too many of the moments you describe in this post. But I have definitely had days where she is sick or teething and I have to give her Tylenol and send her to school. It breaks my heart. Just wanted to thank you for posting this and let you know that you’re not alone!
Thanks for chiming in on this one and I’m glad that I could help by sharing my experience. The good thing is that kids heal fast. This day is long gone for my kids, although it just happened a few days ago and lingers with me. My girls love going to school and I’m glad their happy there. There are just days when I want to chuck this whole work thing and stay home…
It is hard to be a mom in general let alone working out of home. I hope you have a better day tomorrow!
Agreed. And thank you! 🙂
Being a working Mom is so very hard. i think ti’s much harder than being SAHM. I have been both, so i know.
When I was working, it was not only the time factor, and the fact that I wanted to spend as much time as possible with Hadyn (didn’t have the others when I worked). , but it was leaving the kids factor – that was so very very difficult. I knew that Hadyn was struggling but I didn’t know what else to do. I still have guilt about that (not saying this for any other reason than to tell you how I felt).
I remember coming home and not even taking my clothes off and going outside to play with Hadyn. I had so much mommy guilt – it was crazy.
Now, I am much happier than i was then (personally) but the happiness comes at a cost as well.
I guess I am saying this because I really do understand your feelings and can sympathize.
Thanks for weighing in on this one. It’s great that you can compare the two. As I plan summer vacations, next years ski trip, and over-the-top birthday parties, I know that there are benefits to me working. I know in some ways that I’m setting an example for them. I know there are things that I can give them and do for them that some moms can’t. I just wish that it didn’t come at such a price (the time I get to spend with them). No doubt about it, it can be very hard.