Last weekend, I had one of those rare opportunities to get out of the house for a mom’s night out. Erajh had plans as well, so that meant it was time to get a sitter. Although we made no attempt to that we were leaving the house, I’m not sure the girls even knew that we left the house. Or maybe it was that they just didn’t care. Either way, it was seamless, and I loved it.
My mom’s group was heading to dinner and then a movie that night; I expected to be out a few hours at most. When I arrived at the table one of the moms had her cell phone out and was fairly upset. It turns out that her leaving the house wasn’t quite as seamless as my departure, and just as she was heading out the door her toddler son had a meltdown. Naturally, all the other moms around the table inquired as to whether this was a normal thing and she said that he did tend to get upset when she left the house, but it was a sitter that he knew well. And he is used to being away from her considering he goes to school part-time during the week. The mom left the table numerous times during dinner to call the sitter and check on her son. None of the phone calls seemed to do much good, and the mom ended up leaving early, forfeiting her desert (in my eyes, at least).
Internally, I questioned whether her calls to the sitter were doing more harm than good. I mean, wasn’t that reminding her son that she was out of the house and away from him? One call might provide comfort, but multiple calls? Perhaps her son ordinarily finds this soothing, but he certainly didn’t on the night of our dinner.
Of course, I didn’t dare wonder any of these things out loud for fear that the mom would think I was judging her. Because I wasn’t doing that. After all, it’s her son and she knows him best. But I did wonder…
Here’s the thing, I hardly ever call when I leave my kids with a sitter. Even if one of the girls has a meltdown right when I leave the house. And there have been times when I’ve gotten all the way to the end of a day, only to realize that I haven’t called – I got caught up with work and didn’t think about it. But I guess that’s the point, I don’t worry. And sometimes I feel like a bad mom that I don’t have this internal desire to call when I’m away.
I leave my girls with the same sitters every time we go out and use the same sitter services when we travel. I trust them. I know that the sitter can handle it, and if she can’t, I know she’ll call me. Normally, they don’t call, but occasionally they will. And honestly, a part of me feels that if I did call them, the sitter might take it as me checking up on her, in some way questioning her ability to handle the situation. I wouldn’t want to do that. Besides, those initial meltdowns tend to blow over pretty quick in our house…most of the time, at least.
It’s just a matter of parenting style, I suppose. Do you normally call when you leave your kids with a sitter? Are you more inclined to call if they have a meltdown as you walk out the door or do you think calling is a reminder for them that you’re gone?
