To Moms of 18 Month Olds

Now that Hazeline is approaching 18 months and walking pretty well, people want to know if she’s talking.  I’m not sure why people seem to think that walking and talking go hand in hand, but they always seem to notice how well she walks, then immediately ask if she talks.   “How many words does she know?”, they inquire.  The answer – I’m not exactly sure.  As I sit here and try to tally them up, I can think of about 4-5 that she says clearly and uses accurately in context (a majority of the time): hi, bye, down, and MINE!  Sorry for the all caps, it’s just that it’s normally yelled so I figured I would convey that.  She also says “ma-ma”, but she only uses it to refer to me half of the time, and the other half it’s more of a “I want that!” or “What is that?” or “That looks yummy, can I have some?”.  As much as everyone seems to want my child to talk right now, I’m perfectly okay with it if she doesn’t, because for me 18 months isn’t the magical age where kids start talking.  Of course, it took me a long time to get to this point.

Shortly after Greenleigh turned 1, we were out at the mall when we ran into a family who had kids that were in their teens.  We were waiting for our smoothies to be made when the mom of the teenage kids looked over and noticed how cute Greenleigh was (obviously).  She asked how old Greenleigh was and if she was talking.  I replied that she was 14 months and not saying much at all, because the truth was Greenleigh rarely said anything and most of what came out of her mouth was gibberish at best.  I mean there was a possible “pup-pup” muttered when Greenleigh was 10 months old, and the occasional “doggie”, “nice”, or “MINE!” (funny how both of my kids said the word “mine” very young) after that, but for the most part, she was pretty tight-lipped.  As we stood waiting for our smoothies, the mom said, “Don’t worry, my kids hardly talked at all.  Then, right when they tuned 18 months old, there was this explosion of language and learning.  It happened overnight.”  Awesome, I thought.  Sign me up for that.

And then I waited.  The hot summer months passed and fall settled it.  Greenleigh’s 18 month “birthday” was approaching.  I was ready for the language and learning explosion to begin.  I was ready to walk into her room in the morning and have her talk back to me.  I wanted her to understand what I was saying and respond to it.  And better yet, I wanted that time to be now.  I restlessly waited, but it didn’t happen.  Eighteen months came and went, and Greenleigh’s language stayed the same.  I brought it up at her 18 month appointment, but our pediatrician didn’t seem concerned at all.  Greenleigh was vocal and knew a few words, so she said not to be concerned.  But I was concerned.  Why were everyone else’s kids saying so many words – accurately – and my child said very little?  I was beginning to experience vocabulary envy when my friends would brag about what words their kids were saying.  Silly?  Maybe.  But very true.

The months continued to pass, and as 2 got closer, I panicked.  Why was she not talking?  She certainly wasn’t silent, that’s for sure, but she was stingy with the words that she knew.  They were saved for rare occasions, and only contextually accurate about half of the time.  I was beyond worried.   “Wait.  Be patient.  It will happen.”, said our pediatrician.  But I was beginning to doubt her.  The saying that “all kids are different” provides little comfort when it’s your child that isn’t talking.

But lo and behold, Greenleigh’s vocabulary did grow during the summer right after she turned 2.  Many times she would pronounce the words wrong, but she was really trying.  Plus, her pronunciation was adorable; many times Erajh and I preferred the Greenleigh pronunciation of a word instead of the real pronunciation and adopted hers.  As it got closer to the end of the summer, she even began to put 2 words together here or there to form a phrase.   She still wasn’t interactive though.  You would say something to her and she would respond, only her response might very well be completely unrelated to your initial statement.  For example, I would say, “It’s time for a bath, Greenleigh”, and she would say, “Ball”.  One had nothing at all to do with the other, but she was getting the idea that when someone said something to her she was supposed to respond.  We were clearly making progress.

Over this past Thanksgiving, when Greenleigh was just over 2 1/2 years old, I was on the phone with my mom when Greenleigh ran towards me asking to talk to Grandma.  I put her on the phone and she proceeded to have almost a complete conversation with my mom about nothing in particular.  When I finally retrieved the phone, the first thing my mom said was, “Wow, has her vocabulary grown!  She’s so interactive now!”.  Um, wow, I guess your right.  To this day, and I still can’t put my finger on when, she had not only learned a ton of words, but she had learned to use them properly to interact with others.  I sat there shocked – this was the time I had been waiting for.  The language and learning explosion had occurred, virtually overnight, it just didn’t happen at 18 months.  For us it happened closer to 2 1/2.

Greenleigh’s now over 3 and her vocabulary astounds me.  Everyday she comes home with a new word, and she’s constantly chattering from the back seat of the car.  Interactive doesn’t even begin to describe it.  We’ve actually had to impose quiet time in the car some days because I just can’t handle the barrage of questions that seem to endlessly come from the back seat.

Eighteen months seems to get the reputation for being that magic time when kids start to talk, but that isn’t always the case.  For me, that expectation created a lot of pressure and worry.  So to all the moms wondering why your 18 month old isn’t talking, rest assured, you still have the chance for your child to be a chatterbox.  Trust me, I miss some of those quiet moments on the way home from daycare, because goodness knows that my car is much louder than it used to be.  If your doctor is worried and thinks you should see a specialist, then by all means, do it, but if your doctor isn’t worried (and you trust your doctor), try to relax.  It will happen.  And then you, too, will have to institute quiet time.