I’ll Admit – Sometimes, I’m the Problem

A few weeks ago we were out and happened to drive by an ice cream parlor that was having a half off sale.  They were beginning renovations the very next day and had to “liquidate” their stock.  Needless to say, we were happy to help them with their efforts.  I normally get Greenleigh a cup of ice cream, but Erajh happened to ask what she wanted and she insisted on a cone.  For most kids, no problem, but for Greenleigh, well, it could be disastrous.  Greenleigh often forgets that she’s holding things and drops them.  Please don’t tell the people at Best Buy, we may or may not have gotten our second portable DVD player covered under warranty due to this exact character flaw…although I don’t think that’s how we described it when we were at customer service.

As we sat and ate our ice cream, all I could see was Greenleigh’s  ice cream cone hitting the floor.  I constantly reminded her to hold on to her ice cream tightly.  To remember that she had it in her hands.  Not to leave the flat bottom of the cake cone on the wobbly table, for fear that it would fall.  Because I knew that if it fell, she would scream, screech, and tantrum until we got her another one.  It would be the end of the world.  I was beyond nervous.  I wanted to relax and enjoy the cheap ice cream, but I just couldn’t.  About halfway through the ordeal, Erajh looked at me and said, “Jen, relax.  People are starting to stare.  It’s just ice cream, we’ll get her another if it falls.”  Embarrassing?  Yes.  But those staring people aren’t going to have to clean the ice cream off the floor or manage her tantrum until we get another ice cream cone…and why should she get one anyway, I do want to teach her consequences after all.  As much as I tried to stop, I continued to nag remind her about her cone until she was finally done.  And then I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

All of this over ice cream.  Overkill?  Probably.  But this is something I’ve really been struggling with lately.  Greenleigh lives in the moment.  She doesn’t understand consequences yet.  If she thinks 2 seconds ahead, I’m lucky.  So as a mom, I think it’s my job to think 2 steps ahead and anticipate any potential problems.  To protect her.  To guide her.  But in doing so, I turn into a completely different person.

In those moments at the ice cream parlor, my desire to look 2 steps ahead had gotten away from me, and I ventured from the concerned to the crazy.  While I wish I could say it rarely happens, I would be lying.  I get this kind of crazy over lots of little, unimportant things.  It’s not an everyday or every week kind of thing, it’s just an occasional feeling that comes over me and interrupts what should be a fun family moment.  It’s a type of “crazy” that overwhelms me and I seem to have no control over.  It comes quickly and leaves just as fast, destroying what could be carefree family moments in the meanwhile.

I constantly try to find balance in my life.  But it’s not just balance between work and home, it’s balance in so many other ways.  For example, being a protective mom verses an over-protective mom.  Being a mom that wants her kids to be (and stay) happy versus one that psychotically chases her child around over a chocolate ice cream cone.  Being a mom that thinks two steps ahead versus one that’s anxious and hard to be around…or that people stare at in public.

I have yet to master this one.