Like so many working moms, I have very little time with my kids at the end of the day. I pick the girls up from “school”, come home, figure out what’s for dinner, cook it, try to get them to eat it, and then it’s time to start the bedtime routine. I wish we could spend more time together, but Greenleigh actually likes to go to bed between 8 and 8:30pm. And for Hazeline, an 8 and 8:30pm bedtime has always worked. Why mess with a good thing? Unfortunately, I get home from picking up the girls around 6:45pm, so that doesn’t leave much time to get everything done and still make the bedtime deadline. It’s a huge push to get it done, but if I’m diligent we will make the 8:30pm goal 90% of the time. The other 10% is a complete and utter catastrophe. Sure the occasional deviation when on vacation or with a babysitter is okay, but absent those special circumstances, my kids thrive on routine. But it’s not just them. I thrive on routine. I need it.
I also need the 3 glorious hours that I get after the kids go to bed, provided the girls’ lights are out by 8:30. Okay, the 3 hours don’t start out so glorious – I tidy up the kitchen, load the dishwasher, and take Maddie out for her after dinner walk. But around 9 or 9:15, it gets pretty darn glorious. Because it’s at that point that I get to sit on the couch and watch a television show that does not include an animated character or something that may include the occasional curse word; shows my children have no interest in or shouldn’t be watching. I can use my laptop without toddler hands swatting intermittently at the keys and accidentally sending emails to random people. I can talk on my phone without the constant hi-pitched nagging of, “I want to say Hi!” or “Need the phone, Mommy, need the phone!” in the background. This is also the time that I can eat anything that I want. Yes, yes, I know, you shouldn’t eat past 7 or 8pm, but let’s face it, I don’t get much chance to eat in the time that the girls are awake, and it doesn’t help that every time I just about sit down to eat something myself, one of them has to have something that is on the other side of the room. Ah, yes, these precious hours help me maintain my sanity. My safe haven until I go to bed around 11:30pm.
Night after night, I try to explain the beauty and importance of those 3 special hours to my husband. How I NEED the girls to be in bed by 8:30pm in order for those blissful hours to happen. That they MUST be in bed on time, for their sake and mine. But you see, my husband and I are very different when it comes to routine. I need and welcome it, but my husband does not. Hell, the man feels confined by a weekly meal plan. For him, if we run a little behind with the bedtime routine, it’s okay. Worse things could happen. And as I go slightly crazy when he lets Greenleigh stay up a little late (on his night to put her to bed), he just looks at me like I’m crazy.
And of course, he’s right. The world won’t end if the kids go to be late. But the problem with putting them to bed at 9pm is that those 3 glorious hours vanish. They are cut in half…if I’m lucky. And that’s not enough time to get everything done and unwind after a crazy day. Putting them to bed at 9pm means that the lights won’t actually be out until 9:30-ish, and then it takes 45 minutes to get all the cleaning, dog walking, and getting ready for the next day done. And by 10:15, I don’t even want to think about the shows on my DVR, the emails I need to return, or the phone calls I missed during the day. I’m done.
So while 8:30 and 9pm are pretty much the same for my husband, there’s a big difference to me. It’s not just 30 minutes; it’s my sanity, people.
Oh, the bedtime routine. We need it here, too. We’ve made a chart and it starts at 7:15 every night, no matter what. Four nights a week I’m the only one here so I’ve been able to make the plan and put it into effect and DH goes with it because he knows it works. I know I’m lucky to have a like-minded DH. I wish you many nights of 3 sanity saving hours!
AMEN!! I’m a die hard advocate of schedules and bedtimes. EVERYTHING runs smoother when you have a schedule and a routine. When mine were little, I’d get dirty looks and catch all kinds of hell for putting them to bed at 7pm. How dare I put them to bed when the sun is still up….well ya know what? I think these people were just jealous because their sanity had already gone out the window. Bedtimes, meal plans, grocery lists, chore charts….without all of it, I’d be in a padded room!!!
I agree with you and would like to add that SCIENTISTS agree with you. And going to bed late is a bad thing. It messes with their sleep patterns and can cause sleep deprevation. Sleep heals the body and the mind. oh and if my kids aren’t in be by 7:30 (the younger ones) then I don’t have any me time! I’m a morning person so I need to be in bed around 10. My husband has learned (20 years) that our alone time is dependant on when the kids get to bed so he is pretty dilligent about their schedule too. 🙂 Good luck!