Last Thursday I needed a little “me” time. I was tired from party planning, work, and just life in general. My nails desperately needed to be done, so I decided that a quick stop at the nail salon would provide the perfect escape. Erajh agreed to watch the girls that evening, giving me as much time as I needed.
My plan was to drive straight from work to the nail place, which required that I take the exit before my normal exit to go home. I got off the highway proceeded to drive towards the nail place, but as I was about 1/2 mile from the highway, a light turned red and I was forced to stop and wait at the light. I had actually lived off this particular street for several years so I was looking around at all the changes to the area when I saw a woman on the side of the street carrying a toddler in her arms.
As I looked at her, I could feel her pain. You could tell that the diaper bag perched on her shoulder easily weighed a million pounds and she had clearly been carrying it too long. She looked tired and a little frazzled. Something about her looked desperate. When she finally got the walk sign, I saw her start to scurry across the 7 lanes of traffic carrying her son (who had to be over 18 months or older), and I wondered where she was going. We were not in a residential area. As I saw her cradle her son’s head as she ran to make it across the final 2 lanes before the light turned, I wondered why she was carrying him and how long she had been carrying him. Was he sick? Or was he just tired and it made more sense to carry him than hear him whine? ‘Cause God knows I’ve been there.
I wanted to help her. And for a brief second, I considered pulling my car over in a nearby parking lot and asking if I could take her to her destination, wherever that was. I had an empty carseat and it was only me in the car. And then I thought, “Absolutely not. It’s just not safe.”
I hate that. I hate that our world is too dangerous to stop and help another mom. I hate that I immediately thought of all the bad things that could happen instead of the good I could have done.
My mind ran wild with all the “what ifs” and I decided that maybe it was a bad idea to stop. After all, there are tons of good deeds that go wrong. Surely there has to be a 48 Hours Mystery that starts out in a similar manner. Besides, even if I offered, she probably would have had the same concerns I had. So I continued through the intersection. I made it about 3 blocks before I was ashamed of myself and turned around. My car is old, way over insured, and probably not worth anything anyway, so what if something bad happened? Besides, she looked like someone in need, not someone who was going to cause me harm. Deep down, I really do want to help. Plus, I makes me feel good when I can help another mom.
I turned the car around, but by the time I got back to the intersection, she was already boarding a bus (still with her child in her arms – seriously, how long had she been carrying him?) and my moment to help had passed. I was glad that she was probably going to get a place to sit and eventually get to her destination, but after how many stops?
The whole thing kind of put a damper on my escape from the house and I couldn’t stop thinking of the mom that I could have helped but didn’t. So here’s my question – If you were in the car by yourself and had a carseat available, would you have stopped to help this mom? Or with everything going on in the world today, would you deem it too dangerous?
I have been faced with similar situations in the past. I always choose ‘safety’ instead of ‘helping’. And I ALWAYS feel guilty for it. We are supposed to help others; we need to help others. In our society people can not be trusted. You never know when a scam is taking place. I believe Jesus would put others’ needs before His own safety – but I have not been able to do so. I have a family who needs me and quite frankly it makes me scared to think of stopping to help someone on the side of the road.
I also believe the mom would have been scared to accept help. I would have been scared out of my mind if someone had stopped to help me in that situation. No matter how tired, I wouldn’t have accepted a ride.
The funny thing is, I totally agree with you, I wouldn’t accept the ride either. I would be too scared. So what makes me so compelled to offer? And why must I feel so guilty when I pick the safety choice? You’re right, it’s not just about a car that they could take, it’s about my personal safety and I have a family that loves and needs me. I just think it’s sad that we live in a world like this. Your sentence “In our society people cannot be trusted”, pains me a little. It’s true, but I know that there are good hardworking people out there that just need a little help. Unfortunately, there is no way to decipher those people from the people who really cannot be trusted. Thanks for taking the time to comment.
Good post! I feel guilty about it too, but any more, it’s hard to take the chance. There are so many good people who really need the help, but unfortunately there are the small minority who could be a danger. I just won’t take the chance.
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i’ve been on both sides of that situation. i’ve offered rides to women who wouldn’t take them (only women, never men) and i’ve actually accepted rides a couple times when i found myself in a bad situation.
i guess you have to trust your gut. if you get a bad feeling, no matter how safe it seems on the surface, just don’t. but if your gut says it’s fine. i say go for it.
aren’t you glad you went back to at least try?
I’ve done both and obviously not been harmed. But it is wise to be safe. I know how bad it makes one feel not to help. Trusting your gut is excellent advice.
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