Earlier today I was surfing the web when I stumbled on a post about contract employees. Not sure why I stopped to read it, considering I’m not a contract employee nor am I interested in contract work, but was a paid post where the blogger was explaining the benefits of contract work and who was cut out for contract work. In the first paragraph the blogger was relating her own experience as a contract employee (or at least, I think it was her own experience, it’s hard to tell with a paid post). A few sentences in I saw this, “That was long before realizing I didn’t want to be a corporate employee, that being a mom was more important to me.”
Um, what?
I tried to read past the sentence, but my eyes kept returning to it like a typewriter carriage when it hit the end of a line. I just couldn’t ignore it, because being a mom is important to me, too. I’m offended that someone thinks that choosing to work outside the home, in corporate America or otherwise, means that you’ve made the decision being a mom isn’t that important. Or that it’s less important. Or that my decision to work has anything to do with the importance of my family. It makes me sad to think that someone (I’ve never met) thinks I don’t think my family is important…and they base that conclusion on where I spend 8 hours of my day, 5 days a week.
When I named my blog “Diary of a Working Mom”, my biggest fear was that stay at home mom’s would dislike my site because of the name alone. Bottom line is, all moms work. Really, really hard. The only difference is the surroundings. And I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, no matter how hard I work at the office, I work harder at home. There is always something else that needs to be done – cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes, and so on. Just when I finish one thing something else needs to be taken care of…immediately. I also know that after a long weekend with my girls I’m exhausted, overwhelmed, and frustrated, let alone spending each and every single day as a child’s primary caretaker (and entertainment). My point being, I realize that being a stay at home mom is an insanely hard job. Despite my concerns, I know that there are quite a few stay at home moms that read my blog regularly, and I thank you for giving me a chance.
I understand and respect a mom’s decision to stay home. Even with its hardships, I’m slightly jealous of stay at home moms. I really didn’t want to return to work after Hazeline was born, but there were considerations that could not be ignored – student loans and an asthmatic child who we cannot get health coverage for, both topped the list. Law school really bit me on that one. Although I know attorney moms that do it, it’s hard to stay home with your child and earn little or no income when you spent over $100,000 on your education and now have to pay it back.
But what if I had decided to return to work after Hazeline was born just because I wanted to? Returning because I love my job, enjoy what I do, and like financially contributing to my household? Would that be wrong? Would that mean my family was less important? Because I’d like to think my family is pretty important.
I actually think if I had decided that my family was “too important” to return to work I might have been making the wrong decision. My daughter might not have been able to get the medical care that she needed in an emergency situation. I also would have been teaching financial irresponsibility by not returning to work because all those student loans would have gone unpaid. Or at least, a majority of them. Other bills might have gone unpaid too. Those are both things that I don’t want my kids to experience and learn.
This is by no means intended to be a stay at home versus working mom debate, or insinuate that one is better than the other. It really isn’t about that. And yes, I realize that there are going to be those that think I’m making a mountain out of a molehill or exposing my own insecurities about working. Maybe they would be right. All I want to convey is that you can work outside the home and consider your family to be “important”, because I know that I do.
**I’m intentionally not linking to the post mentioned above because it was a paid post about a particular topic. I don’t want the paid message about contract work to be muddied by me being upset about how the blogger introduced the topic.
This is a great post. I’m actually a stay at home mom – I have been since our oldest who is almost 11 was born. We also have a 6 year old and a 2 year old. As weird as it sounds, we could never really afford for me to go back to work. Four of those years, my hubby was in the military and we never knew anyone for long where we were at and after he was out and moved back home, we still never had anyone that could babysit full time. I would have to give most of my check to a daycare center if I worked! I feel the opposite you do, I’m actually a little jealous of the working mom! 🙂
As much as I like being a stay at home mom, I also think it would be nice to be able to have time away from the house even if it is work. Being a stay at home mom is exhausting but if you are a working mom, then you have to worry about balancing everything else too. Coming from a stay at home mom, please don’t ever think or let anyone else make you think that your family is less important because you are not a stay at home mom! It doesn’t matter if you have to work for financial reasons or if you just want to work because you love it. You are just as much part of your family as the rest of your members and you should be able to do what you enjoy doing – it doesn’t make you less of a mom.
I agree that the only difference is the surroundings. My blogging actually started becoming work so I guess I can say that in a way, it’s like I work from home which I think can be a little more difficult at times because I have to find the time. With that being said, since the blogger that wrote the post be contradicting herself? I mean, she has to put the work in sometime while she is at home with her family…..hmmmmm. lol…. I know when I have things I need to get done, my hubby keeps the kids busy for me when he is home so I can – thank goodness!
Hi! Thanks for taking the time to comment! I think there are perks to being a working mom and a SAHM (or even a WAHM). I certainly don’t envy you not getting any sick days!
Hmmm…That’s a good point about contradicting herself…She’s a blogger that probably makes a good bit of money off of her blog, and that must take time away from her family. Really, though, I don’t think she meant any harm by the statement, I think she was trying to introduce a topic for someone that was going to pay her a few dollars. I just couldn’t get past the sentence though.
Jen, I have been lucky enough to stay at home with my baby for the last 15 months. I admire any woman who can work full time and be a full time mom of one baby let alone two. Don’t feel bad because you are doing what you have to do or want to do. I don’t know where you find enough hours in the day, I don’t always.
On a side note, your daughters are beautiful. I enjoy reading your blog!
Thank you for your kind words. 🙂
I wish I could add like 2 hours to the day (you know, somewhere between 2am and 6am, then I know that I would actually get to sleep those extra 2 hours not work)!
Good points! I worked from home and always felt guilty that while I was there with my kids, I wasn’t spending enough quality time with them! Working from home isn’t easy either. But whether you’re working outside the home or within it, it’s crazy to suggest that for either, being a mom isn’t important!
I can’t imagine trying to work from home with my kids home at the same time! That must be tough! I kinda like having the separation of this is my office away from home where I work, and this is my home where I work, um, I mean, spend time with my kids. I’m sure the original poster didn’t mean anything by it, but it hit me the wrong way, know what I mean?
As a full-time working mom I couldn’t agree more with your last sentence “All I want to convey is that you can work outside the home and consider your family to be “important”, because I know that I do.”
Thanks for sharing your perspective!
BTW, subbing to your blog from Feed Me Friday. 🙂
http://crankygurl.wordpress.com
Stopping in from the Alexa Drop Hop!
I’m a working mom as well, most of us with more than one child have no choice but to work. You are far from alone 🙂
I’ve written an Alexa review and followed by twitter, RSS, email, and like on FB.
http://adventuresinmiscellany.wordpress.com/
I may lose an popularity after saying this, but in the context of the line you quoted – and that’s all I see, not the rest of the words around that sentence – I did not take offense to it. The author was stating their opinion, that to them, being at home was more important. I don’t think they were saying if you work, you’re not a ‘true’ mom, or a ‘good’ mom.
I personally do not work outside the home. On occasion I do some freelance writing. When my son was 6 months old, I quit my job for a commodities company when my husband left his job as a police officer for a corporate career. That was our choice based on our circumstances. I do sometimes regret not having much of a life outside the house, and I do miss the conversations of other adults. I can’t imagine going to an office job because it’s simply been nearly ten years since I did that. I would definitely miss the freedom of my ‘own’ schedule. But I know plenty of people who are fulfilled and happy both being working mom’s and those that are stay at home moms.
I truly hate the battle between working moms and stay at home moms. We are ALL moms. And we ALL work hard whether it’s in a boardroom or the laundry room!
I can appreciate your opinion as a working mom, but I don’t think the author really meant to be offensive.
I’m a stay at home mom and I am in DEEP admiration of working moms — I don’t know how you do it. I don’t care what anyone says, I believe all the home stuff still falls on the mom’s shoulders. So you have two full time jobs, instead of one. Thanks for linking up this weds.. http://sandrasfiberworks.blogspot.com/
I have been on both sides and have felt guilt for working AND for staying home. Unfortunately, people judge regardless of what you do and for every person who supports your decisions and has nice things to say there is someone saying and doing the opposite. How very sad that the insecurities mothers feel separate us rather than unite us. ALL I know is there is NO WAY I could work a steady job while getting MAYBE two hours of sleep a week. Good for those of you who are able to maintain it all! There have been many times (as a SAHM) when I thought that my children would be better off in a child care facility–playing with other children and having their days full of activities and socialization. Of course, when I was working I hated to leave them. Maybe the moral is we need to go easier on ourselves and know that we are all doing the best we can–and everyone’s “best” is always different.
Following from the Monday Blog Hop…and loving your blog!