Let me preface this post by saying – No, I’m not pregnant. And I don’t expect to be in the very near future. With that said –
Last week as I was getting ready for work, it was unusually calm in the house. Both girls were still sleeping, their backpacks were packed and ready for school, and Maddie had already been fed and walked. I thought to myself, “Hey, I can handle this. Let’s have another one.”
Wait. What? Did I really just say that?
Greenleigh is just getting out of diapers, and Hazeline is starting to hit that fun phase where she’s starting to communicate and explore. We are headed into that fun year of first steps, first words, and ton more “first” experiences. Not to mention that we have 35 days left of Hazeline being on formula, and bottles will hopefully be out the door shortly after that. What type of masochist would want to start all over now? Why mess up the good thing we have going? And yet, in that moment, the idea didn’t seem so bad.
Up until that exact point I probably would have freaked out about the mere thought of having another child. There was a time after each of my girls was born, where the mere thought of having another child – ever – was terrifying. After Greenleigh, I was too exhausted to ever think of doing it again. Pregnancy scares (no matter how impossible it might have been given the circumstances) would send me into cold sweats and panic attacks. It took a long time for me to get comfortable with the idea of having another child, let alone getting to the point where I actually wanted to plan for one. And although Hazeline has been infinitely easier, I’m still overwhelmed and exhausted on a near daily basis.
So what changed? Not sure. I mean, 3 kids have always been part of our plan. Since we were dating, Erajh and I always said that we wanted 3 kids, so it’s not a secret that we plan to have another child. And we’ve never hidden the fact that we want to have our kids close together, but I didn’t even realize that I was to the point of thinking about another child until just then. Quietly, while I was suffering through lost sleep over teething and never-ending illness, the “terrified” phase passed. How did that happen?
Of course, 5 minutes after that thought, both girls were up and things were as crazy as ever. I think we are going to stay in the “maybe” stage for a while longer.
Whew, I can relate! Except I thought I was done for sure with two – by the time I realized 3 was the number, the older ones were in grade school! Not to mention my step kids are almost grown – so now we have them ages 21, 17, 10, 7 and 10 months. Talk about starting over!
I found you on the Mom Blog hop – following via RSS and can’t wait to read more from your perspective!
Wow! Ranging from 21 years to 10 months? You are one brave woman! Thanks for stopping by.
I can relate to that. I have moments when I feel like I’m ready for a third and then moments when I think I’d be crazy to ever have another one! Ha!!
Visiting from Curiouswisdom blog hop (new follower). I can totally relate except I am on the only one in the marriage that would like 3 little ones. I have 2 little girls, age 2 and 4 months. Life is crazy especially working full time and my husband has a crazy work schedule so most of the time he isnt home. A third would be nice but I have moments like you when yes lets do it then ‘what in the world was i thinking?”