[My daughter] just launched into yet another tirade about all the deprivation she faces with having a working mom. Wow, talk about twisting the knife a little more!
Facebook Friend’s Status Update
When I saw this status update, I thought to myself, “Well, at least I don’t have to worry about that for a while.” My friend’s daughter is 7 years old, and with Greenleigh being only 2 right now, I have a few years before my being at work becomes a “problem” for her. Right now, she doesn’t know any better. As far as she’s concerned, all kids go to daycare from 9am – 6pm. My girls don’t know that other kids’ parents stay home with them during the day or meet them at the end of a half day at preschool with a snack.
But it won’t always be that way, and I know it. One day I will probably hear a very similar tirade. I’m bracing myself for that day.
Recently, I’ve started rocking Greenleigh before bed. I used to rock her when she was a baby, but stopped when she was around 5 months old. I don’t know exactly why I started rocking her again, but she loves it, so we’ve been doing it for about three weeks now. She’s a little big for it, but it gives us special time for just the two of us to talk. No Dora. No Mickey Mouse. Just us. We talk about the things she did that day and the stuff that is scheduled for the next day. We sing songs. We are silly. Overall, it’s a pretty good time.
About two weeks ago, I started asking her what her favorite part of the day was. I didn’t know if she knew what “favorite” meant, but Dora ends every episode like that, so I figured I would see if she knew what it meant. When I asked her, she thought for a very long time and then responded with her gym teacher’s name. We had been to gym class that day, so it made sense. From that point on, I started asking her what her favorite part of each day was and received a variety of answers – the slide, the swings, her teacher at daycare, her friends.
Then one day, I thought to myself – Wait. Why is the slide her favorite thing? What about me? Surely, I must beat out the slide. I have to beat the slide. I’m way, way cooler than that damn slide. Just think of all the fun stuff we do together. When Greenleigh was sick last month, who took care of her? Not the slide. That was all me. And yes, her teacher is awesome, but hello, who covers her back up with blankets at 4am? Not her teacher.
I decided that I was probably just such a constant figure in her life that she didn’t think of me as her favorite thing. So I decided to suggest it. A few days later, as we were rocking and recapping her day, I asked her what her favorite part of the whole day was. She seemed to go back and forth between the slide and her best friend at daycare. I looked at her and said, “What about Mommy? Is mommy your favorite part of the day?” To which she responded, “No.” My heart broke a little.
In a completely unintentional way, my toddler twisted the knife. I couldn’t help but wonder, if I didn’t work, would I be her favorite part of the day? If we went to the park Monday – Friday, instead of just on the weekend, would I be her favorite part of the day then? Or if we did crafts 7 days a week, instead of just 2? Would I be her favorite then?
My toddler had clearly hurt my feelings. Unfortunately, it won’t be the last time it happens.
I know my little girls love me. I know they enjoy spending time with me. Shame on me for asking a question I didn’t already know the answer to. As an attorney, I should know better. When it comes to her favorite things, she thinks about the stuff she sees on a daily basis, most of which is at daycare. Sad but true.
Greenleigh is 2 years old and there are things that she just doesn’t understand yet. One day she will understand that due to her asthma most insurance companies won’t cover her unless it is on a group plan (like the kind that you get at work). And one day she’ll understand that the money I earn allows us to go so many fun places, we wouldn’t be able to go otherwise. And one day I’ll explain student loan payments and the importance of education. But that won’t be for years (maybe decades?). Maybe one day when she is old enough to understand those things, I will be her favorite part of the day. Because both Greenleigh and Hazeline are my favorite part of the day. One day they will know and understand. One day I’ll beat that damn slide.
Life lesson learned – Apparently, a 2 year old can twist the knife just as well as a 7 year old.
Aww. They don’t realize they have so much power to hurt us. I have many times had to tell my girls (now seventeen and thirteen) “Moms have feelings too!”
I know the reality of daily schedules. But here is the thing that matters: She cuddled up with you and shared that moment without even blinking. It doesn’t really matter what she says is her favorite because she has already made her choice to cuddle for that chat with you. It’s the last thing she’ll remember at the end of each day.
That is a sweet spot to be.
Absolutely agree with the post above! One day when she is older she will think back to sweet times like this (or will hear about them or read this blog or see pictures) between you and her, and trust me that these will be the memories she treasures. It will be way more influential in her life that you took some special alone time with her every day to talk to her. You’re starting a wonderful tradition that is priceless. There are way too many parents who have no idea how to talk to their children or how to sit down and play with them. I have worked with too many of these parents already (and I’ve just barely begun)!
Awww so true~ very true! My 7yr old told me the other day I was her Best Friend- that made my day! New follower from Tues Blog hop!
Yes! I love it when Greenleigh says, “mommy my friend”. That makes my day. Thanks for stopping by!
I know that my daughter will notice the same thing one day. Hopefully she will know that everything me and my husband do is for her and to better her life.