A Modern Family

About two weeks ago, I posted about my toddler’s use of colorful and inappropriate language.  In response, I received several comforting comments from other mothers who have gone through the same thing.  I also received lots of tips on how to solve our little problem, and we have already started implementing a few.  While I felt a bit embarrassed to put such unbecoming behavior out there, I’m glad that I did, and sincerely thank everyone who responded.  I  know that the most important part of all of this is to eliminate the word from our my vocabulary asap.

Imagine our surprise when we sat down to watch ABC’s Modern Family last night and Lily (the little girl on the show, who is supposed to be around 2-3 years old) dropped the f-bomb.  Seeing her father giggle in response to this only causes her to drop the bomb several more times, and eventually drop it very publicly at a family wedding.  It was a different word than the one we are battling, but the same problem.  We giggled throughout the episode and thought to ourselves, “We’ve been there.”  The episode ended and I didn’t think about it again.

Until this morning when it was splashed across media websites that various parent groups and an anti-profanity organization known as the No Cussing Club, wanted the episode pulled.  From the articles I read, these groups were not only upset that the word was used by a toddler, but also chastised the adult characters’ reactions to use of the word.  One organization in particular wanted ABC to know that people don’t want to hear a toddler drop the f-bomb.

I have so many responses to this, sit tight people, this could turn into a bit of a rant.

While I fully support anyone who wants to join or start an anti-profanity club (everyone has to have their niche, right?), I can’t help but notice that this club is headed by, McKay Hatch, an 18 year old man, who does not have children.  While he started the club as a child at merely 14 years old, he was far removed from his own toddler years.  News flash, toddlers don’t exactly do what you tell them or react as you want them to.

Unless you plan to live your life in a bubble and introduce them to no one other than your very closest family members (who you will probably still have to censor), kids are going to learn and repeat somethings that you don’t approve of.  For example, my 2 year old runs around singing “Shake, shake, shake your booty”, when I don’t use the word “booty” and have never, ever sung/played the song around her.  Other people find it hysterical, which is why she continues to do it.  I’m mortified, but cannot physically stop her from doing it.  She no doubt picked the behavior up from others and continues it based on adults’ reactions that she receives.  In fact, the other night as I was making dinner, I heard Greenleigh trying to teach her baby sister how to shake her booty.  So there you go, no audience necessary and she continues the behavior that I try so desperately to stop.

To Mr. Hatch,  I understand your intentions are good, but you lack experience in this arena.  Karma will find you.  I promise.  Maybe not cursing, but one day you will have a child who will say or do something that you find offensive, inappropriate, or vulgar.  Something you said that your children would never do.  It’s just the way it goes.  Even though I have modified my behavior in response to our situation, she has learned it and it’s suck in place, at least for a while.

Oh, and for the record, no one wants to hear a child drop the f-bomb.  Seriously.  It’s embarrassing as a parent, especially in a public setting.  I sincerely doubt that the episode last night prodded parents across the nation to wake their kids up this morning and teach them a brand new explicit word to see how cute they would sound saying it.

But sometimes you can’t stifle your real reaction to what your child is doing fast enough and you accidentally encourage them.  They do something inappropriate and your first inclination is to laugh, but you know you are supposed to be the disciplinarian because what they did was inappropriate or wrong.  Sometimes you just don’t get the “disciplinarian face” on fast enough and your kids catch your real reaction.  Your human, it’s going to happen.  But kids are funny like that.  They will remember your first reaction, no matter how hard you try to tell them it never happened.   I just think it’s a little insane to say that ABC was trying to encourage kids saying the f-bomb by allowing a character to have a “genuine” reaction to it.  Sure, he tried to stifle it, but not fast enough and Lily caught on.  The purpose of the episode wasn’t to glorify 2 year olds cursing, but rather to depict an experience that most parents encounter at one time or the other.  Parents are humans.  We have immediate reactions to things and we make mistakes, but at the end of the day we do our best.

But to pull the episode?  I pray that ABC does no such thing.  First, the damage is done.  Lily has already dropped the bleeped out f-bomb on prime time, national television.  We all saw it.  It’s done.  Even if ABC pulled the episode from ever airing again on television, it has to be somewhere on the internet.  People will find it if they want to.

It should be noted that Aubrey Anderson-Emmons (the little girl who plays Lily) never even said the word.  According to ABC, she used the word “fudge” when taping the episode.  No kids were actually “harmed” in the taping of the episode.  It was all left up to our imagination as to what the bleeped out word was.

Most importantly, what Modern Family did last night is to paint a portrait of what real parents go through.  I identified with it.  I felt their pain, even though they’re only actors.  Do you remember family sitcoms of the 1980s?  I do.  Most wouldn’t have touched a topic of cursing.  Sure, they had their rebel children or occasionally spotlighted a serious issue like drinking, eating disorders, gambling or the like, but often the avoided the messy but all to common daily problems families face.  Like when your child does something inappropriate.  What happened last night on Modern Family was not a shiny, perfect version of family sitcoms of the 1980’s who hit the occasional bump in the road to highlight a particular social issue, but rather what a real modern family of 2012 encounters on a daily basis.  Why paint a portrait of parenthood that isn’t real?  Please don’t take real issues that I identify with out of a show I watch and love.

So I think I’m going to wrap this up before it becomes more of a rant than it already is.  Naturally, I’m in no way encouraging kids of any age cursing.  Nor am I encouraging adults cursing for that matter.  I would just hate for networks to think that parent groups who want the episode pulled speak for all of us, because they don’t.  Some of us found comfort and humor in a television show portraying a family issue we are dealing with as a modern family.