Last week I saw this quote circulating on Facebook.
The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.
— Steven Furtick
So true.
Yesterday was a difficult day. It was one of those days where Greenleigh outright refused to listen or follow directions. When I asked her to put on her shoes, she threw them across the room. If I asked her not to touch something, she grabbed it and ran. She jumped on her sister (who for some reason seems to loves this type of attention) after being told to be gentle more times than I can count. No amount of warnings or timeouts would make her change her behavior. By 7pm, my “scary mommy eyes” were out and I was yelling. I’m not proud of it, but I had snapped. I hate yelling, but lately it’s the only way Greenleigh will even semi-pay attention. In essence, I was throwing my own little tantrum, which got us nowhere.
After I finally got the kids to bed and began to unwind, I thought about how I should have handled the day differently. I was embarrassed at how my behind-the-scenes self had acted. I began to think about my friends who appear to have so much patience with their kids and how they would have handled it, but I quickly realized that I was comparing myself to their highlight reel, and the more I thought about it, that isn’t fair to me no matter how badly I may have acted. I was comparing my behavior to the times that I have actually seen them interact with their kids, which is far from the full picture. In reality, who knows how their behind-the-scenes self would have handled it, I only know their highlight reel. Or, at least, that’s what comes to mind when I think of them.
I feel that often I look for the fun and entertaining side in motherhood, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it becomes a problem when I skip writing about topics because I can’t find a funny or entertaining side. It didn’t start out that way, but I feel like that’s what happened over the past couple months when I sit down to write a blog post. The truth is, sometimes motherhood (or parenthood) just isn’t funny or entertaining. Sometimes it’s just hard. Yesterday was one of those hard days. I don’t want this blog to be a sugar-coated version of motherhood, I want it to be real. And the reality is, there will be times where you think you handled a situation poorly and will want a do-over, but all you can do is go to sleep that night and promise to make the next day better.
The antics yesterday would definitely not make my highlight reel, but I know that I have a highlight reel. There are times when I have loads of patience, my toddler is well-behaved, and I look like I have it all together. It has happened. Maybe somewhere, at some point, someone has compared themselves to my highlight reel. Little does that person know, my behind-the-scenes self has scary mommy eyes and yells to get the attention of her toddler.
So here come the resolutions –
- Stop focusing on everyone else’s highlight reel and focus on my own behind-the-scenes parenting self. I really need to keep the scary mommy eyes and raised voice in check. Avoiding everyone else’s highlight reel will be
nearly impossiblehard, but I need to make the attempt. - Occasionally blog about the rough parts of motherhood, which means not skipping over a topic that isn’t funny or entertaining. Perhaps I can use this blog as a way to find support and suggestions from time to time, similar to the support and suggestions I got in response to yesterday’s post about Greenleigh’s picky eating habits. Thank you to everyone who chimed in on that one, by the way.
So there you go, from someone who likes to procrastinate – not one, but two New Years resolutions, 19 days early.
Congrats on getting to your new year’s resolutions so early. I told my friend the other day to make blogging a resolution. Not a new year’s resolution, just a resolution. People break New year’s resolutions but maybe if you just make it a RESOLUTION!!! in bold letters and three exclamation points after it, you’ll take yourself seriously, lol… anyway, that was just a side note.
I agree with you about that quote you posted. So true. Why do we always compare ourselves to others. God made us the way we are, and although we should try to be the best “me” we can be, we also have to realize that everyone has faults and we’re only supposed to focus on our own.
Speaking of yelling. Back on the topic of my niece and nephew we fostered (because that is the only period in our life when my husband and I had to “raise” children). Well, My husband and I eventually started yelling at my two yr old nephew (for obvious reasons), but then what we discovered is that my nephew started to yell too. It hit me like an anvil. I immediately realized that we cannot yell at him, because it will teach him to yell. We really have to be role models to the children in our lives. I told my husband and from then on, we were just very stern and serious, but we never yelled. We simply told our nephew what we expected of him and if he didn’t, he had to go to the naughty spot (standing against the wall in the hallway). If he continued to act out, he had to stand against the wall facing the wall. If he decided to move, we simply put him back in the spot, no matter how much he screamed and kicked, we did not respond to his nasty behaviors besides putting him in the naughty spot and told him he had to stay there for two minutes because he was not listening to us. Each time we put him in the naughty spot, we set the timer on the microwave for two minutes (of which the beeps could be heard loudly throughout the entire house). The beeps of the timer when we set it were a sign to him that his time out was not complete and that he had to remain there quietly until he was good for the full two minutes. Once he was good for the full two minutes, the beeping would go off and usually by that time he would wait there until we came to him and explained to him that he could not do those behaviors and that he had to be a nice boy and *insert* – “do the opposite of whatever he did”. Then we would tell him to say sorry to whoever he wronged (sometimes that was us). Then we would tell him we loved him and we would give him a hug. Over time, during the time period he lived with us, he actually did less and less acting out, so that was really cool.
Anyway, I can’t take credit for this strategy, but it worked wonders!!! I learned it from Super Nanny. Oh, and the timer thing is supposed to be set for 1 minute per year of age. That’s what super nanny says anyway, and it seems to be a good amount of time for that.
I know this is a super long comment, but I wanted to share because it was super useful for us.
I hope you find what is right for you and your daughter.
~Lisha
Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I agree with you about the resolution vs. New Years resolution…It’s something I’m going to have to work on everyday regardless of what time a year it is. Often I forget about New Years resolutions by mid-January, so this should just be a resolution. Wait, make that a RESOLUTION!
As for the yelling, I totally agree. She will pick up what I teach her, and I don’t want to teach her to yell. Yesterday went better, but I know she is just at a tough age. We do have a naughty/timeout spot, we had great luck with it at first, but lately that isn’t doing much good. We send her there for 2 minutes but she just screams and cries the whole time. I tell her that I can’t let her out of timeout until she is good for the whole 2 minutes, but once she is out, she repeats the bad behavior. Then I get frustrated and yell. But again, that’s a work in progress…
I LOVE that quote!!! I will be chanting it from this day forward ’cause I am the world’s worst at comparing my “behind the scenes” to everyone elses “highlight reel” and you’re right – it’s not being fair to ourselves and it’s a no win situation….
Thanks so much for the reminder – and thanks for joining the Tuesday Train!!
Oh wow! I love this post. Very thought provoking. Thanks for writing it!
Great post!! That quote is SO true.
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