Help! A baby is running my life!

As we were celebrating a birthday in our office last week, a group conversation started regarding crazy things moms do.  Specifically, they were discussing a woman who had just had her second child a few hours before.  A few people in the office wanted to go see the new baby, but the parents had asked that no one visit them in the hospital or at home for the first few days.  The conversation then turned to several rules the “Crazy Mom” has for her toddler, which included that she be the only one to put him to bed, limitations on where they could go and at what times, and that she needs to sneak out of the house as opposed to saying goodbye when she leaves him to run an errand.  Sure, there were several comments to the effect of, “Well, they’re her kids, so I guess she can do what she wants,” but the general consensus was that she was letting her kids run her life.  It was further determined that this was a really, really bad thing.

Not letting kids run your life…easy concept right?  You’re the adult, they’re the kids.  I have decades of life experience, my kids can’t so much as put on their own clothes.  How can they possibly be in control?

But they are.

To a certain extent at least.  I’m a believer in the idea that you shouldn’t stop living when you have kids.  Since having Greenleigh and Hazeline we have continued to travel, have friends over to our house regularly, and maintain busy professional lives, but in making daily decisions, I have to consider my kids.  And, truth be told, I often change my plans based on my kids.  For example, I’m a night person, but my toddler is not.  She starts to slowly meltdown as the clock gets closer to 9pm.  To avoid a nasty (and quite possibly embarrassing) tantrum, I often leave places early.  Way earlier than I would like.  But it keeps her sane and happy, and that’s what matters.  I also much prefer not being escorted out of places simply because she is screaming, spinning, and generally losing her mind since it’s past her bedtime.

As I listened to tales of “Crazy Mom”, I found myself identifying with her.  I wanted to defend her.  I understand the chaos of having a new baby.  While I personally enjoyed having people visit us in the hospital, I can understand someone who has had a rough or long labor not wanting to see people right away.  I can understand wanting to develop your own schedule at home before allowing others in.  Like Crazy Mom, I also prefer to be the one to put my children to bed.  I like tucking them in at night and making sure they hear the words “I love you” as their last words of the day, regardless of how trying of a day it has been.  I will schedule our appearances at parties around naptime, because Hazeline has been sleeping so poorly lately.  I would rather show up to a birthday party 45 minutes late and apologize than wake her up from a nap early.  And I too, have had to sneak out of my house so that my toddler doesn’t know that I’m gone.  Greenleigh has a love for the outdoors, but lacks focus to take the dog on a quick walk.  What I can do in 3 minutes, takes her at least 5 times as long.  To avoid the tantrum, Erajh will keep Greenleigh distracted, and I will leave (and probably be back before she knows I was ever gone).

If those things make me crazy, I’m totally cool with it.  Feel free to stamp Crazy Mom right on my forehead for everyone to see.

Of course, I don’t blame the group for judging Crazy Mom.  Once upon a time, I would have judged her too.  I would have thought her rules and restrictions were insane.  But you see, something happens when you become a mom.  You start doing things that work for you and your children and ignoring what people think, or at least trying to ignore what people think.  Unlike the me of 3 years ago, I will not judge a mother for insisting on putting her child to sleep.  Sleep deprivation can be the worst form of torture and I go to great lengths to avoid it.  If your child sleeps best when you put them to bed and it doesn’t bother you to be depended on like that, do it.  I will not judge.

Sure, there were some things that came up during the conversation about Crazy Mom that I didn’t necessarily identify with.  There were even one or two that I though were a little out there, but every mom has her own rules and I respect that.

So while I’m not going to let my toddler or infant make any medical, financial, or employment decisions for me, they do to an extent run my life, and I don’t necessarily think that is a bad thing.  In the end, it’s all about balance, but sometimes that’s hard to find.  You end up slipping to the “crazy” end of the spectrum, and you don’t even realize it.  I try to find and maintain balance everyday and often fall short.  More often than I would like to admit, I am that Crazy Mom (a moniker my husband can attest to and is looking to patent for the t-shirt, action figures, and movie rights).