The Cankle Strikes Back (and it’s Trending on Twitter, too!)

For the past few weeks, I’ve had only one fashion goal: Cover up my cankle.

What is a cankle you ask?  Well, let’s just start out by saying, it’s not pretty.  Essentially, it’s where the natural narrowing between the foot and the leg disappears.  Completely.  Your foot and leg blend together into a stout, ugly unison, horrifying all those that dare to look it’s way.  And if you really didn’t know what a cankle was and this definition is actually news to you, then I’m jealous because that means you’ve never had one.

Because I most certainly have a cankle.  Sure, they normally come in pairs, but I’m “lucky” and instead of getting a set of cankles, I only got one.  One bad enough to cause my midwife to step back and say, “Oh my!  What’s going on there?!” at my last appointment.  One ugly enough to cause my co-workers to gasp when they see it.  One painful enough to turn my 3rd trimester waddle into a hobble because I limp.  One obvious enough to scare small children…and random strangers at the mall.  It’s that bad, friends.  It’s that bad.

And don’t think it’s the first time I’ve seen this cankle.  Oh no, we’ve met before – back when I was pregnant with Greenleigh.  Right around 33-34 weeks my left ankle blew up and was virtually unrecognizable.  I was rushed to the hospital after seeing my doctor, only to be told after an ultrasound that there was nothing to fear…other than the ugliness of the cankle itself.  So I limped, hobbled, and waddled my way until I finally gave birth at nearly 42 weeks pregnant.  It stayed away during my pregnancy with Hazeline (perhaps why she’s my favorite?), but now it appears it’s back…and it’s fierce.  Angry that I would dare attempt this pregnancy thing again.  That I could think that my body could handle it.  No amount of water or elevation can contain this puppy, and I swear it can smell salt.  Should I even attempt a fast food drive through it easily expands to 4 times it’s normal angry self and pulses while the food sits in the car as I drive home.  Mind you, I’m not actually eating the food, just the presence of salty, high fat foods makes it madder than normal.

So while it may seem like covering it up was setting the fashion bar pretty low, as you can see, it really was in everyone’s best interest.  Day after day, I found creative ways to make the cankle less noticeable – maxi dresses, long skirts, pants, jeans…you name it, I wore it.  Successfully, too, considering no one noticed my cankle.

And then last Friday hit.  By last Friday, I was tired.  And hot.  Really hot.  Because let’s not forget that I practically live on the equator.  It’s easily 90+ degrees with 90% humidity here…on a good day.  Add the normal increase in internal body temperature that seems to be required during pregnancy and it’s a bad combination.  So by Friday, I really didn’t care anymore.  That day, I forgot my fashion goal.  I threw on my knee-length denim skirt, exposing the cankle in all it’s glory, and headed off to work.  After all, I was only going to work.

But, of course, that’s not how it actually went.

My office ended up shutting down unexpectedly around 3pm, leaving me with 3 1/2 hours before I needed to pick up the girls.  Three and a half hours to run errands without being interrupted every few seconds to put something back on a shelf, hand someone a baby wipe, or just stop them from shrieking.  So I headed to the mall to pick up a few things.

Easy enough.

Problem is, the cankle gets worse as the day progresses.  And by 3-4pm, it’s downright pissed off.  So by the time I got to the mall at 5pm, it was quite a sight.  And it was making me limp…worse than normal.  I immediately questioned my decision to go shopping on this particular day, of all days, but was determined to make the most of my time.  Besides, all of the stores I needed to go to were right by the entrance where I parked.

Sure enough, as I hobbled into the mall, I ran into a cluster of mall employees outside on their break.  One of the teen-aged male employees noticed that I was limping, looked down, and visibly shuddered.  From that point forward, I was pretty sure that everyone was looking at “it”.  There was no talking me out of it.  I wasn’t at the mall, my cankle was.  So I hurried through my shopping, carefully positioning shopping bags to cover it.  I made up stories in my head about how this was some sort of sports injury where I lead my team to a winning finish only to end up injured in the process…you know, in case anyone asked.  They’d never question that story coming from a girl who was so obviously pregnant.

I finished up at my last store and headed towards the escalator.  Just 3 more minutes and I would be out of the mall, so my cankle and I could be alone in the car.  Except then I heard laughing behind me.  Lots of it.  Turned to see 2 guys in their late teens or early twenties looking back at me.  Surely, they weren’t looking at my cankle – were they?  And then I could have sworn I heard the shutter of a camera phone…like they were taking a picture of something.

Oh. My. God.

My cankle was going to end up on the internet.  It was soon to be one of those viral images with all caps text and some obnoxious saying next to it.  Like the “LOL” cats, but not anywhere near as cute (and hopefully not as gramatically challenged).  I’ve never been so afraid of social media in my entire life.  I tried to position my bags better.  I tried to cover it up.  I tried to move it around.  But I could swear that they were taking pictures of it.  That escalator ride lasted forever, until I could finally hobble off of the escalator, to the nearest entrance, and into my car.

And just in case you’re wondering – yes, I know how ridiculous this sounds, but at the time there was no talking me out of it.  My cankle was going to be famous.  So I got to my car and called my husband, who apparently thought this was the perfect chance to mess with a pregnant girl who already has the propensity for irrational fears during pregnancy.

His response?  “Ohhh…that’s what that was!,” he replied.  “The word ‘cankle’ is trending on twitter and I couldn’t figure out why.  Now I understand.  Hold on, you’re in denim skirt, right?  Yep, there’s a picture.  They didn’t capture it’s best side.”

He thought he was funny.  I, on the other hand, pondered the possibility of pictures of my cankle actually getting on twitter and trending so quickly.