Ramblings of a Former Bride-to-Be

This morning I received an email from Erajh’s cousin who’s getting married in a few months.  Recently, she asked if Greenleigh would be in her wedding and we enthusiastically said, “Yes, of course, we’re honored that you want our somewhat spastic kid to be a part of your wedding!”  In fairness, that “somewhat spastic” part wasn’t actually said out loud during the acceptance, but I’d like to think it was implied.  I mean, she’s met Greenleigh, so she should know that she’s occasionally crazy, right?

Anyway, it’s dress ordering time (actually, it was dress ordering time about 6 weeks ago and I missed the email – lets all pray for fast service from David’s Bridal, shall we?) and she wanted to get my opinion on dresses.  She presented a few options and was so sweet that she even offered to pay for the dress and have it shipped directly to our house.  In fairness, that’s probably to make sure that it actually gets ordered this time, and I can’t say I blame her one bit for that, but still, a very sweet sentiment.  Extremely generous, too.

But I can’t take her up on it.  And honestly, as I scrolled through the flower girl dress choices she sent me (which were all really nice), I couldn’t formulate an opinion as to which I liked best.  It just didn’t seem right.

You see, once long ago, I planned a wedding…

When I first started planning, I promised not to be one of “those” brides.  You know, the ones that get all crazy about planning.  Who act like the entire world is wrapped up in one day.  The one who expects everyone else to drop everything at the mere mention of her wedding.  But needless to say, as we got closer to the wedding, I got a little…um…crazy.  I planned everything down to the very smallest detail.  I stayed up with my glue gun until the wee hours making votive place cards days before the wedding, which my then fiance found ridiculous, but at the time was insanely important to me.

Bottom line is, I had an idea in my head of what I wanted my wedding to look like.  And with a little bit of Erajh’s input I picked the venues, colors, cake, flowers, hotels for guests, and just about everything for that day.  It really was our day, and no one else’s.  And I was thrilled with how it turned out.  There’s something amazing about having all your friends and family in one place celebrating.

But you see, planning a wedding yourself can change forever the way you approach weddings.  And when I got that email this morning with dress options, it brought me right back to my planning days.

I suppose that’s why I just couldn’t seem to pick a favorite flower girl dress for Greenleigh to wear.  It wasn’t about stepping on toes, as much as it was about not wanting to interfere with the picture of her wedding that she no doubt has in her head.  Because, like I did, I think all brides (eventually) formulate a mental image of what they want their wedding day to look like.  Sure, before I planned my own wedding I might have had opinions on things like venues and dresses and flowers and cakes.  I might have said, “I like this dress over that one” or “do you really want that flavor cake”.  But now that I’ve done it myself?  Absolutely not.

No, now that I’ve planned my own, I approach weddings very different.  I’ll wear the dress you want me to wear.  I’ll stay at the hotel where you want me to stay.  I’ll eat whatever you put on your reception menu (or I’ll politely push it around my plate).  And while I may internally groan at a 3 hour delay between the ceremony and reception, I would never dare say it out loud (to anyone but Erajh) and you best believe that we’ll stick around the entire 3 hours.

In the end, I just couldn’t do it – I couldn’t pick a flower girl dress.  I told her that any of the dresses she selected would be perfect.  And I meant it.  Honestly, I don’t care if the bride wants Greenleigh to wear a burlap sack tied with bailing twine…if that’s what she wants, we’ll do it.  Although given the options presented, it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen…Thank goodness.