“Mommy, what is daycare?”
I bit my lip. Good question. A question that stemmed from me accidentally saying “Okay girls, we have to get to daycare – We’re late” as we were on our way out the door this morning. A question that has an explanation that I wasn’t willing to go into at 8:30am as we were on our way to “school” this morning. A question that I really don’t want to answer. Ever.
You see, we’ve been calling it “school” since Greenleigh turned a year old. At that point, it was easy to call it school because she was coming home having learned a new thing each day. Daycare really was a learning experience, so it was normal for us to call it school. Besides, “school” sounded a ton better than “daycare”. And because of that, Greenleigh goes to daycare each day, yet has no idea what daycare actually is. My goal is to keep it that way as long as possible (or at least, until she can read the sign on the front of the building, which I’m thinking should be past the actual daycare years).
To say that I have a serious case of Daycare Mom Guilt, would be putting it mildly.
When Greenleigh was born, daycare was an absolute necessity for us. And Greenleigh thrived there, so I got used to it. I even liked the brief break from parenting work provided during the day. But that didn’t make me like the idea of dropping my 9 week old infant off in someone else’s care for 8-10 hours per day. I mean, as a mom, that’s a hard pill to swallow, even when it’s absolutely necessary. You may get used to it, but it’s a hard thing to like. People would always ask me who watched Greenleigh during the day, and I would internally cringe as I said the word “daycare”. Most of that cringing went away when I started calling it school. So I continued to call it school…until I slipped this morning.
As I sat there trying to figure out how to ask her seemingly innocent question, I didn’t want to explain any of it. Not even in a bland “daycare is school, they’re the same” kind of way because it could lead to more questions. I realized how much I’m dreading the day when I tell Greenleigh that I didn’t stay home with her past 9 weeks. How I’m going to tell her that missed her first roll and the first time she stood on her own. How so many of her “first” milestones were witnessed by others and not myself. It’s been years since that initial drop off, but this morning that guilt was just as fresh as the first day of daycare. And then I started to wonder – When she does find out, will she judge or be mad at me? Will she feel somehow cheated in the whole parent lottery? How exactly will she react to having been somewhat raised in a daycare by other people?
“Oh, sorry honey, Mommy just used the wrong word – I meant that we’re going to school. You want to sing the ABC song? Okay, I’ll start…A B C D E F…” And with that I brushed it off like it was nothing. You can bet I’ll be much more careful in choosing my words when we’re running late tomorrow morning.
This is EXACTLY how I feel. Thank you so much for sharing this. Currently we’re at a fork in the road- do I stay home longer and we make some big adjustments to our lifestyle (including the schools our kids do/will attend) or do I go back to work and be able to give my kids more opportunities but at the expense of spending less time with them. Very hard decision and there are certainly pros and cons to both. I do think that many kids with professional, working parents take pride in their parents’ jobs and the fact that mommy does something cool. One of my 3 year olds recently told his preschool teachers “My mom is a vet but right now she just stays home and takes care of us. I wish she’d go back and start helping animals again.” Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a way to have the best of both worlds?
I do the same exact thing with my kids!! It’s always been called school and rightfully so because they learn there everyday. I would much prefer they call themselves early childhood learning centers or academies or something like that. It would sound less like dropping your kid off with a group babysitter while you go to work. I also have that same guilt, but just remember, the first time YOU saw your kids reach a milestone is technically a first for you, so they don’t have to know their first time doing something was at school. I always told school if my kids did something monumental (i.e. walking, drinking from a cup, etc), I didn’t want to know about it and they could mention it only after I said I saw it at home. That way, I’m totally unknowing that they hit those milestones for the first time when I wasn’t there. And don’t feel bad that you made the choices you did (or had to). While I would love to spend all day everyday (most days) with my kids, I also know that the “professionals” are much more qualified than I am to know what they are capable of learning at such early ages and they are certainly far more creative than I will ever be. Oh, and while we’re on that topic, it’s much more common for “daycare” kids to have better socialization skills with other kids their age, better conflict resolution skills (IF they have good teachers) and are, on average, better prepared for kindergarten because they have been in a classroom setting for lengths of time for years while stay at home kids might only get their first taste of what this is like when they go to pre-K/VPK. So don’t get so wrapped up in the daycare guilt. You are doing what you feel is best for your family.
oh man, I used to have daycare guilt SO bad!!! Thankfully (????) my husband lost his job and he stays home with the kids now. I don’t feel as guilty, but I still feel a twinge of guilt once in a while….
Stopping by from the bloggy moms blog hop! 🙂
The 5th Level of Motherhood
Been there! It sucks! Try to shake it off! We all do the best we can and make the best decisions we can for our family and ourselves.
My husband and I work opposite shifts so our youngest doesn’t have to do day care, but i still missed her first crawl and first steps, and it does not help our marriage at all to see each other only two days a week on the weekends. I don’t know if there is a way to have it all. but it’s great to find a blog with other working mommies who also have the same guilts of being a working momma!
I’m a newbie Mom (almost 2 years now) and I’m just not ready for this step. I consider myself lucky that I get to work from home and with the miracle of technology, finishing college up from home as well. Many think working from home is easy, but it’s not. You have not just your workload, but college (for me) and also running after a 2yr old plus household duties. And what 30 minute lunch? Don’t even get me started if the little one does not take a nap in the afternoon!! But I’ve been there everyday since we brought our daughter home, unfortunately my husband works so much-what he does miss is waiting for him on video. A friend of mine was home for two weeks before returning to work, I can only imagine how hard it was on her. Our little one socializes with another girl her age (also has a Mommy not ready to cut the cord) so at least she’s not isolated. My mother put me in daycare when I started the 1st grade, prior to that she brought me to work. I guess that’s what I’m doing now. But what if the time comes if I can’t work from home? I’m not sure, especially with being a new mom, if what I’m doing is the absolute best. Can or will that question ever be answered? What I do know is what works for one family may not work for the next. I came across your website and it’s just fantastic!!!!!!!!!