The Second Time Around

A good friend of mine just had her second child last week, and you know how that gets me all sentimental.  It also got me thinking about the days and weeks before Hazeline was born.  Exactly a week before my scheduled induction (which never actually happened because I went into labor on my own first), a group of our friends were going out to dinner.  I was invited and was very much looking forward to getting out of the house and being social before the first weeks with a newborn…which can be challenging.  Anyway, as we sat around the table that night, there was another couple that was expecting.  They were going to be first time parents and were due about 6 weeks after I was.  Chatter around the table quickly turned to my baby that was going to be born exactly a week from then.  Eeek.  The husband of the expecting couple turned to me and said, “Well, you’re ready, right?  You have the crib and room set up?  And everything you need, right?”  As I stared at my plate and pushed around my chicken and rice, I muttered something to the effect of, “Um, it’s just different the second time around.”  I apparently repeated this phrase several times in response to several similar questions until he said to me, “I get that it’s different the second time around, but are you ready?”  Ready?  Well, I guess that’s a relative term.

Truth is, we didn’t have much ready at all.  The child had a bassinet in our room, a week’s worth of brand new newborn clothes, and a couple of things we received as gifts.  I had stock piled diapers and wipes when I found them on sale, and had collected a few formula samples, but that’s it.  And she probably wouldn’t have even had the week’s worth of newborn clothing if I hadn’t gotten an afternoon off of work to go shopping with Erajh.  Thank goodness for that.  Other than those items, she would be using all of Greenleigh’s old stuff.

When Greenleigh was born, we had everything ready weeks beforehand.  I drove Erajh crazy making sure that the nursery was ready by the end of February, even though my OB said there was no way I was ever going to go into labor early (I was due April 12).  I had my hospital bag packed at 37 weeks.  I had mountains of toys, clothes, and stuffed animals so we could use them the minute we got home from the hospital.  I insisted on buying new things, even when perfectly good second hand items were offered to us.  I was determined to be prepared for everything and anything.

But somehow my attitude changed when I was pregnant with Hazeline.  And it’s not because I wasn’t excited about her arrival – because I was.  And it’s not because I’m a procrastinator – even though I am.  I don’t know if it’s the confidence you get from already having had a child, or the fact that you pretty much own a Babies R Us by that point, but for Hazeline’s arrival, I stuck to the essentials.  Plus, there were so many things still up in the air like, would we be moving soon (something we briefly considered since we are pretty much out of room in our townhouse), would the girls share a room, and when would Greenleigh be transitioning to a toddler bed.  I was hesitant to buy a crib and set up another room when there were so many variables.

As a result, I approached my pregnancy with Hazeline much differently than my pregnancy with Greenleigh.  You know how they say don’t sweat the small stuff?  This is one of those cases where that really applies.  I stopped worrying about the little things and focused on big stuff.   Having the nursery set up, toys ready, and mountains of clothes, wasn’t even on my radar.  I did, however, have a great deal of anxiety about Greenleigh’s reaction to her little sister, how she would cope while I was in the hospital, and the long, sleepless nights ahead.  But I tried to remember to keep it in perspective.  I would repeat to myself, “It will all work out.  It has to.”  And it has.

So while he found my answers empty and evasive that night at dinner, it was true.  It really is different the second time around.  Hazeline slept just fine in the bassinet for 7 weeks, and I loved having her so close to us.  I had learned so much when I had Greenleigh and was able to apply it right away when Hazeline was born.  All of those mommy short cuts that I had to learn the hard way with Greenleigh came so easily the second time around.  All the “stuff” that was so important the first time, seemed completely unimportant the second.  And Hazeline did eventually end up with her own room, a beautiful new crib (that we got a great deal on since it was a floor sample!), and even has a few new toys of her own…when Greenleigh doesn’t confiscate them.

How about you?  For those of you who have more than one child, was it much different the second time around for you too?  Was it easier or more difficult?